I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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