Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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