No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
