I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
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i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
