I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
