Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Randomize