Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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