My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
