A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
