I could have mohawked her pubes.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
