I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
