Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
