i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
