His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
