she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
whose parrot is this?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
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