Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
