Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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