you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Randomize
