dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
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