You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
