On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
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