That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
