nut hugger
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
