You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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