Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
