dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
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I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
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Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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