I am spending my child support on dildos
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
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