What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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