dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Randomize
