I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
