It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
