Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
