did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I love you. Go after that dick
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
