I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Randomize
