My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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