and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
