I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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