Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
