I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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