I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
