I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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