Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
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