yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
