I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
high people should be assigned attendants
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
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