I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Randomize
