I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
