So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
Come see our sink grown plant.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
