I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
