just survived the first fart of the relationship.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
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I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
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