now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
