Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Randomize
