She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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