oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Randomize
