what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
