he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
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