After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
