Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
