i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
