Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize
