i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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