Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
