Only a mothe r could love this liver
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
